Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
