Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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