Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
