so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
