fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
