Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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