i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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