so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
