Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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