Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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