i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
