I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
