Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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