But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
