im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
