my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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