he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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