I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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