i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
