I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
