she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
