Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
