I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
