i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
