this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
