She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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