Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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