I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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