I'm going to jail i love you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
