Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
