Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
