My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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