shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
