no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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