Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
