What a fucking waste of an outfit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
