You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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