I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
