I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize