All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
