dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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