Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
