Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
