it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
