I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
