today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
