She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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