guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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