yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
