shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
