In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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