i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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