i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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