careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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