I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
