Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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