so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
