My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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