yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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