Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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