We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
