I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
