We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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