Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
