so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
