ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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