if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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