I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
