u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
