he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
