if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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