i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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