It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
