Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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